Michelle Obama, in Romania: Our girls could never use the White House as an excuse for not getting their homework done or going to school / Barack went to every teacher-parent conference. He was going to sit there and listen to the teacher. The grades are important, too

Michelle Obama, former First Lady of the United States, visited Romania for the first time on Thursday, September 18, 2025. During an hour-long discussion at Impact Bucharest, a series of conferences on economic development and innovation, Michelle Obama spoke about supporting children, the importance of school and education, and how she tried to normalize the lives of her daughters Malia and Sasha at the White House, where they lived longer than anywhere else.

• „The White House is not a normal house; there are butlers, chefs, florists. (…) They could never use the White House as an excuse not to do their homework or go to school. They were never taken out of school for something that was cool,” Michelle Obama said.

For an hour, Michelle Obama answered questions about the importance of being a leader, being a parent, the importance of friendship, communities, and the balance she discovered only when she became a mother.

The Obama family tried to normalize life in the White House for their daughters, Sasha and Malia, who were 7 and 10 years old when Barack Obama won his first term as US president:

• „The girls were 7 and 10 years old when we entered the White House. I mean, they’ve lived in the White House longer than they’ve lived in any house, which is crazy to me, that’s nuts. And the White House, it’s not a normal house. They’re butlers. There’s a florist. You know, they’re maids. The kids could order any kind of food they wanted and they would never have to make their beds or do their laundry.
• „They’re going to leave this place and they’re going to have to be able to function in the world. So it’s like we got to cut some of this stuff out”. You know, they had security their entire lives. They spent their teenage years riding around with men with guns in armored vehicles to prom and to dances. So all of that was sort of baked in. There was nothing we could do about that. So we had to pretend like it just didn’t exist and then, you know, get them to focus on just being kids, which meant that they couldn’t ever use the White House as an excuse for not getting their homework done or going to school. They never got taken out of school for anything that was cool, because then they would never be at school. I mean, everything at the White House was cool. Something was going on every day”.
• „So Barack went to every parent-teacher conference because he did that before the White House, which was a scene, by the way, to have his 20 car motorcade drive down Mass Ave. up Wisconsin to their little school where the school was bombarded by Secret Service and SWAT people on the roofs. But that was part of what happens when your father is the president and he’s going to parent-teacher conference. He’s going to go and ignore it. He’s going to sit there and listen to the teacher because this is what we do. Your grades are important too”.

• „I think of all the mistakes and the failures that I made. I didn’t pass the bar the first time I took it. I thought that was the end of the world. I was like, oh my God, they’re going to fire me. I’ll never be able to practice. This is the end of my career. I’ll never get anywhere. I took it again. It was a hassle. I studied harder. I passed it. Life went on. And I try to tell young people that you’ve got so much room to make so many mistakes”. 
• „We still live in a world that is racist and misogynist, that still favors the wealthy. Privilege, opportunity, that’s just the truth. If we can’t own that part of who we are as humans, then we’re lying to ourselves. That is the foundation of this world, sadly”. 

Here are the main parts of the conversation between former First Lady of the United States, Michelle Obama and cu Beatrice Cornacchia

Moderator: How do you navigate the balance between a personal life and a professional life? 

Michelle Obama, former First Lady of the USA: I get that question a lot and the older I get, I’m now, am I 61? Yes, I am 61. I have lived 61 years of life and I think my answer to that question is constantly evolving. I think first and foremost we have to determine for ourselves that balance is important. 

And as many of you professionals out there, especially as you’re getting started, that’s not something anyone teaches you. Nobody’s telling you to be balanced. They’re telling you to work harder. They’re telling telling you to thrive. They’re telling to achieve. So we’re not taught that balance is even an important thing. And oftentimes you don’t even have to think about it as a young professional. I don’t think I really focused on balance until I had kids. Because kids are the first things that slap you in reality. Because they don’t care what your life is. 

They don’t care about what your schedule is. I think before then, I was probably the hard-driving young professional, trying to bill the hours and climb the corporate ladder, because those are the things that you’re rewarded for. So I think my first challenges with the whole notion of balance came when I became a mother. And I realised that my children didn’t have a way to get on my schedule. They didn’t have schedulers, they didn’t have little appointment books, they couldn’t come to mommy to make sure that I was at their parent-teacher conference and that I knew that their Halloween parade was happening. And guess what we all do as professionals? We put work on our schedules first because somebody will call us and set up a meeting and we’ll put it on our schedules and we’ll have a conference that we’re planning on going to and all of this is done months in advance. 

And I realized that I would put everything else on my calendar and what would be left off, it would be my kids, and then it would be me. And I thought, wow, how do I fix this? And I didn’t fix it. I started fixing it. And I think the first thing I had to think about was that whole putting myself, my life on my calendar first. And I say this understanding is this is coming from the mouth of someone who was a white-collar professional: I had assistance I had someone working on my schedule, I had a level of flexibility and there are absolutely the vast majority of people out there do not have that kind of flexibility with their schedule. They’re working 9 to 5 jobs. They are working shifts. They don’t get to choose when they come and go. 

So I recognize that even that piece of advice is very specialized. But I did learn that I had to put myself on my calendar first. And what happened when I put my children and my calendar and my health and my marriage on my calendar first? There was still plenty of days left to work. I mean, kids are in school most of the time. 

(…) 

Life doesn’t stop. We are constantly evolving.

So I would also say be patient with yourself and your career and your lifeline, especially when you’re young. Kids aren’t. If you choose to be a parent, they grow up, they absolutely do, they need you less. And I don’t think I regret anything that I did when my kids were little. I have a great relationship with them and I still have room to do so many things. So, If we’re blessed, life is long. The trajectory doesn’t have to be a straight rocket shot to the moon. Success in life is up and down. And if we understand that and show some patience with that, we’ll find that there’s room for the balance that we all should be looking for. 

(…) 

Moderator: You are such a great leader, such a great role model for all of us, and still, in your first book, you asking yourself «Am I good enough?» so can you tell us a little bit more? 

Michelle Obama: Yeah, I mean, I think, you know, the term that is used today is imposter syndrome. You know, the feeling that we’re sitting at tables that we don’t feel like we belong. And there are probably people who don’t even understand what that term means because the world has been…. It’s laid bare for you, it works for you. And so maybe there are people who feel like they always belong, that they are leaders, that they should be running everything. I see that a lot. We still live in a world that is racist and misogynist, that still favors the wealthy. Privilege, opportunity, that’s just the truth. If we can’t own that part of who we are as humans, then we’re lying to ourselves. That is the foundation of this world, sadly. 

Moderator: Would you give to all of us about the responsibility to be a role model for the next generation? 

Michelle Obama: Oh well, it’s everything. It is everything. You know, the saying that «we all stand on the shoulders of giants»? I think that, that’s certainly the case for me. And giants, when I say giants, my giants were my mother and father. My giants were the people who sacrificed and fought and lost out, I’m here because of them. So that’s the least we owe for where we are today. (…)

Creating businesses that have an impact, products that are useful, all of it is important. But if our kids aren’t whole, if we aren’t doing this work to prioritize their futures, if we’re not speaking deliberately to set them up to be good, honest people, to impact the world as well, if we’re not treating all kids like our kids, then we’re getting something wrong. And we should all feel that way.

Look, I love my girls. I would die for them. But I feel that way about all our kids, you know? Especially if you’ve had a chance to spend any time with young people, which I have devoted my life to, being in rooms with young kids, because that’s the first reminder, right? Just being in their presence. Because they come here whole and full of possibility. And to the extent that they get messed up, it’s because of adults. 

We mess them up. They come into this world all full of possibility. And then they grow up to be destructive individuals if they don’t have that love and that foundation. They aren’t adding value. So it’s in our best interest to set them up to be successful. So I guess, yes, I think that being a role model It’s absolutely part of the assignment as we get older and become more successful. It is the whole point of it all, right? And it can’t just be the kids that we love or who look like us or who remind us of ourselves. Because at some point, all kids will be out there doing something, good or bad, you know, with hope and possibility, feeling like a part of something bigger or not. And when kids don’t feel like they’re a part of a of somebody bigger, all they have is destruction.

I think it’s just in our best interest to set up this world to hand it over to them, which means we also have to be ready to get out of the way. And I think that that’s also an important part of leadership is knowing when to step and doing the work of training the next generation to sit in your shoes. That’s one of the reasons why Barack and I, the work with the Presidential Center, which opens in June, in Chicago on the south side. It’ll be one of the only presidential centers located in an urban, predominantly black community. 

And our primary purpose is training the next generation of leaders, not just in Chicago, not just in the United States, but around the world. 

You know, and not just in politics or community development, but we believe that It’s our responsibility to pass on the little bit that we’ve learned to those young people that are really trying to figure out how to have an impact. And our goal is not to continue to sit in these seats, but to really prepare that generation for… taking over from us.

Moderator: In both of your books you are talking about your kitchen table. So I think that through your life, you have been trying to find the right people that can keep you honest with yourself. So can you tell us a little bit more about your kitchen table, which is an incredible analogy.. 

Michelle Obama: Yeah, I think actually that I didn’t mention that when we talked about resilience and how one gets through. And one of the main ways I get through tough times is that I have a strong community around me, not just a family, but friends. And I talk about the importance of developing your kitchen table the reason I call it a kitchen table is that growing up on my house in my house on the south side of Chicago very tiny house a couple of bedrooms my parents were working class we didn’t have a lot of room, but we had a lot of love and I don’t know about all of you, but at least on the south side of Chicago, a lot of, all the action happened in the kitchen. 

And my kitchen table for me was the first place where I learned that my voice was important. Because the kitchen table was the place we had dinner together as a family when I was growing up. We continued that tradition in my family, even in the White House. That was something that Barack never missed: dinner time. He’d come up from the Oval Office, we’d sit at the dinner, me and Sasha and Malia and we listened to their day. It wouldn’t matter what he was going through in Syria, I don’t know, financial crisis, they didn’t care. They wanted to talk about their second grade friend or how they didn’t like their fifth grade teacher. 

The kitchen table is where you learn as a child that your parents find you interesting. It’s probably the last table that you’ll feel completely interesting to your parents. We tell our kids we always love you. But that’s the place of support, you know, and throughout my life I’ve tried to recreate that kitchen table for myself because your parents, your family doesn’t travel with you through life.  

(…)

One of the things my brother said when Barack won, and jokingly, but half so, he said: «no new friends. you don’t know who you can trust. Now you’re president, first lady, you got to cut it off». 

I was like, oh, dude, wait. That’s a sad way to live. No new friends. But I had to have friends. I needed people around me that saw the world differently, especially as First Lady. I mean, I had kids in school, you know, I needed mom friends. You know how important other parent friends are, especially when you’re First Lady and you’re trying to get the real deal about what’s going on in the school. So I had to make some mom friends, you know. That meant I had to go to the potluck. 

I had to stand on the soccer field. Even with a bunch of Secret Service agents fluttering behind us. It was like we had to find a community of people that we could trust so that our kids felt connected. All of those people are a part of my kitchen table. And they’re people who know me the best. They’re people who will give it to me straight. I think our kitchen table is the reason why our daughters are sane and remain sane through this entire experience. Is because we work to normalize their lives in the White House and a lot of that required friendship. So I talk about this because it’s something that sometimes like balance that we undervalue. We undervalue the importance of friendship and community in our lives. And it takes as much work to develop that community as it does to build our careers. 

Moderator: So you said normalize life at the White House. Is this possible? 

Michelle Obama: You know, we tried. We did our best to normalize it. And a lot of that was trying to make your kids understand that none of this was about them. It’s like no one really cares about you. This is really about your dad. And we wanted to keep the kids focused on being real kids growing up. I mean, the girls were 7 and 10 years old when we entered the White House. I mean, they’ve lived in the White House longer than they’ve lived in any house, which is crazy to me, that’s nuts. And the White House, it’s not a normal house. They’re butlers. There’s a florist. You know, they’re maids. The kids could order any kind of food they wanted, and they would never have to make their beds or do their laundry. You know, so I had to think… 

They’re going to leave this place and they’re going to have to be able to function in the world. So it’s like we got to cut some of this stuff out. You know, they had security their entire lives. They spent their teenage years riding around with men with guns in armored vehicles to prom and to dances. So all of that was sort of baked in. There was nothing we could do about that. So we had to pretend like it just didn’t exist and then, you know, get them to focus on just being kids, which meant that they couldn’t ever use the White House as an excuse for not getting their homework done or going to school. They never got taken out of school for anything that was cool, because then they would never be at school. I mean, everything at the White House was cool. 

Something was going on every day. I almost forgot to invite them to a state dinner. They had never been to one because I always felt like that’s not for kids, that’s for grown-ups who are doing things in the world and you’re not taking up a seat. You’re not taking a seat from the secretary of anything, you’re gonna go to school. And we also tried to make sure we prioritize their lives. So Barack went to every parent-teacher conference because he did that before the White House. Which was a scene, by the way, to have his 20-car motorcade drive down Mass Ave. up Wisconsin to their little school where the school was bombarded by Secret Service and SWAT people on the roofs. But that was part of what happens when your father’s president and he’s going to parent-teacher conference. He’s going to go and ignore it. 

He’s going to sit there and listen to the teacher because this is what we do. Your grades are important too. So those were some of the really odd ways that you try to normalize it, but I think a lot of it is just attitude, you know, just keeping them humble and focused on the bigger picture and making sure that they know that they’re, you know they’re little kids and this is not for them, it’s not about them. And I’d like to just take a moment to acknowledge how proud I am of both of those girls. They’re amazing humans. So hopefully we did a good job.

(…)

Moderator: So how are you going on with your chapter of your live and how have you been able to manage this big change? 

Michelle Obama: We’ve been out of the White House for almost a decade. A decade. Maybe that doesn’t make you feel it, but it really does something to me. So that’s how fast time flies, for sure.

The next chapter, the post-White House years, these last nine years have been just as full, just as, I think, meaningful as the eight years in the White House and the years before that. I mean, that’s how life works and that’s one of the reasons why I named my first book «Becoming» is because my hope is that I continue to evolve, right? That we never stop becoming. I started the book with one question that I hate that adults ask young people and that’s, what do you want to be when you grow up? 

As if you grow up and become some one thing and that’s it. Because that always felt sad to me as a kid. What, I’m just this one thing and this is all I do? And the answer is no. If we’re doing this life right, we’re always evolving. Everything is just a chapter and a period. And the eight years in the White House, it was an important chapter. 

(…)

And I know I’m unique because of the position that I was in, but the truth is that we all have all of these chapters that can lie ahead for us if we keep growing, if we’re open to the possibility of continued growth and evolution. And I think that’s been one of the biggest things that I’ve learned in this last 10 years. I got a lot done in that 10 years. And if I had known that when I was in my 20s or 30s, maybe I would have chilled out a little bit. I wouldn’t have been so hard on myself. I wouldn’t felt like every decision I made at that age was so completely consequential. I think of all the mistakes and the failures that I made. I didn’t pass the bar the first time I took it. 

I thought that was the end of the world. I was like, oh my God, they’re going to fire me. I’ll never be able to practice. This is the end of my career. I’ll never get anywhere. I took it again. It was a hassle. I studied harder. I passed it. Life went on. And I try to tell young people that you’ve got so much room to make so many mistakes. 

I think that that’s something that I’m reminded of as I look over these years. And now I’m in the process of thinking about… Even this next chapter. I mean, the truth is that I do want the chapters to slow down. I am thinking very critically and deliberately about how to exit. 

And I do think that part of our job is to have our exit strategy, not out of life, not out of relevancy, but how are we starting to segue all of this stuff into the next generation. That’s the work that I’m thinking about for this next 10 years. In 10 years, I want somebody else doing this, so I have to start preparing that now. Who’s going to take over the work that I’ve been doing with girls’ education around the world? You know, I’m not going to be on the world stage, nor should I be forever. So I’ve got to start thinking now about how do I start developing that talent and getting them out front on things. There are initiatives that I’ve started to wind down on, stepping away from, but it takes just as much planning to exit the stage as it does to hold the stage.